#chewbaccaproblems

I shed like a motherfucker. And after I had my kid my hair was falling out like fucking RAIN. And the amount of time I spent crawling on my hands and fucking knees scooping it up and trying to fling it in the toilet was MADDENING.  And not only that, BENEATH ME.  Like seriously- i am a grown woman, freshly scrubbed and mosturized and here I am sweating and cursing and chasing fluffly hair all over my bathroom because I KNOW how disgustor it is to see other peoples hair. It's weird because we comb it and brush it and shampoo it and blow dry it and flat iron it and colour it and spray it and adore it and then the minute it falls off our head- BLECH!!! LEPER!! VILE!! BEASTLY!! 

So, after about a year of scrambling around trying to keep up with the hairballs and ahead of the gagballs, I was like- there has got to be a better way.  A vacuum in the bathrooom is ridic, and a small dustbuster seems like a good idea but I never got around to buying one- let alone one for each bathroom.  And then I thought maybe a swiffer but again it would be OUT and you would SEE the hair so no and THEN BAM!!  the ultimate-

Hot tip #5: SWIFFER DUSTER *angelchoir* obliterates #chewbaccaproblems

Holy SHIT is that plasticky fluffy abberation of nature AMAZEBALLZ! SWIFFER DUSTER FOREVER!!!! *fist-to-sky*  So I have one of those under my sink, and to contain it's ewww-hair factor I keep it dusty side down in an empty deep-ish plastic container.  i am TELLING YA- this works like a dream- super fast, super clingy and super reusable.

Here's another trick I just figured out- this is way more expensice, but effective quick hair picker upper- POST IT NOTES.  you drag one of those bitches across the floor and it picks up EVERYTHING.  They're totes expensive but if you work at an office or have a stack that's been bitched (maybe by an overzealous 3 year old AHEM) you can pop it into the drawer to use before your mother in law comes over.

Seriously, this shit is GOLD people.

Tune In- Source Out

Tip #4 Source the fuck OUT

Do you have a kid? Do you work full time? Do you live with a roomie/other who works full time? HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER. There is always someone who is willing to do that shit for a reasonable amount of moolah.  i am pretty sure having a cleaning lady extended my marriage by 2 years.  If you live in the dirtcity area I suggest Victoria's Housekeeping (780)604-5798. She is soooo cheap and cleans only with microfiber antibac cloths, dishsoap and occasionally vinegar.  She fucking rules. So yeah- housekeeper.
Boom. Done. *micDrop*

Garbage Sucks.

This seriously was my first genius I'll-fucking-show-ALL-Y'ALL-how-to-live idea that made me say "I should SERIOUSLY have a fucking blog. Seriously.":

Tip #3: Garbage Sucks

...and hoarding sucks but adorable plastic shopping bags DO NOT SUCK. They are FREE, okay?  So you take cute plastic shopping bags, turn them inside out and stuff them in the garbage can.

And then while you pile in babywipes and kleenexes and hairballs and broken teeth you can look past the crud at the adorable graphic from PleaseMumFuckingPLEASE & be all "my life is sooooo cute...". You can even coordinate it with your fucking TOWELS. Your garbage looks WAYYYY better, girl. *shudder*

WARNING: THIS IS ABOUT MENSES

This kind of garbage ALSO sucks- holy crap do you blow alot of toilet paper wrappin that shit up.  I like keeping old gossip rags (HA) that my foolish sisters buy during the summer in my bathroom cupboard. Sure they're for "reading" while you're hiding from a dinner party but then when you're droppin uterine lining like bombs just tear off pages to dispose/diguise the tamp/pad.  It only takes a PAGE and nothing lightens up a hormone rage then dropping a mad mess onto a smiling Kim+Kanye photo op. Win-win motherfuckers!

Savin' the world- one irritating domestic duty at a time.